The wait seemed almost unbearable in someway; he knew that the male was there, he made sure of it. Perhaps he was a little too anxious and a little too nervous and time seemed to be ticking longer than it should in his head. His palms felt sweaty and he began to question what exactly it was that made him react this way. It wasn’t like they had been lovers of any sort and in fact this reunion was suppose to be one of smiles even though he had never seen Sanggil smile in his life. That had been a goal back then when he had worked for another porn company with Sanggil as his manager. He could recall the moment clearly because it was also the day he had promised himself that he’d try for him. Try to make him happy. Try to make him smile. He knew Sanggil didn’t have the greatest life which was why he tried so naively to somehow lighten it for him. Ilhoon didn’t know if at any time in the past if he had done just that, but he would like to think he did — even if it was a little.
Seconds were like minutes and when the door finally opened he swore his heart had skipped a beat and stopped completely. There was no real difference from when they had last seen each other so long ago except there was something off about the glint in his eyes. It wasn’t normal. There was a touch of hidden emotion stuck in Sanggil’s eyes and if he was good at reading, he’d be able to tell what it was. There was silence in between them and Ilhoon smiled at him wearily as it could be clearly seen that he was trying to muster up something to say in his head because most of the time it was easy to see Ilhoon’s thoughts. At the time he’d open his mouth to speak, he was harshly pressed against a thin chest of warmth and tightness and it caught him off guard. He stayed quiet though, almost stunned before his arms immediately circled back around the taller male and he buried himself into the long lost scent.
"I missed you so much."
Was the first thing he mumbled, trying to press himself closer even though he couldn’t. The only time Sanggil had ever held him somewhat was the first time they had sex. That was the first and last and anyone would be damned if he didn’t try to soak up this random amount of affection from him for as long as he could possible. “I thought about you a lot and I tried to finish everything I could to come back and see you again, hyung.” Ilhoon was an honest to good kind of guy, blatantly throwing out his actual feelings and thoughts as if it would mess with anyone’s head. “I wanted to be with you so bad..”
— The way emotions racked through everything he was at that moment, the way he felt as everything he had carried upon his shoulders for the past few months fell to pieces, it was nothing but unfamiliar ant was what made him freeze, for a mere few seconds. It made his mind collapse, thoughts nestling together and refusing to let go of each other, creating full-blown chaos in a mind that usually remained to be completely clean. Because usually, Sanggil didn’t give a fuck about anyone aside from himself. But Ilhoon was different. Ilhoon had always been different. It almost made his chest hurt a little, because he hadn’t really considered this possible, not before it actually happened. He had instead accepted the fact that they’d probably never see each other again. It had been easier that way, instead of asking questions and deliberating wether he should or shouldn’t try to find him on his own. It had been easier to shut off everything he had let himself feel back then, wether be it affection or ties of friendship. Therefore, staring into familiar eyes like that, it really made him feel as if he was about to implode.
He could swear his heart acted up for a second, before he allowed himself to shake his head to regain at least a bit of control. But by then he was already keeping the other as close as he possibly could, arms wrapped so tightly around Ilhoon’s frame that it would have been difficult to tell them apart. A breath he hadn’t know he was holding escaped his lips as they parted and the next inhale was filled with the relief of a familiar scent and Sanggil knew so well that pulling back would be difficult like this. Because fuck it, no matter if he wanted to deny it or not anymore, he was attached. He was and he had been for too long to try and get away from it. He took comfort in the way arms circled around his own back and he relaxes a bit against the other, eyes shutting as his head lowers just a little. “ I can’t help thinking that I got beaten to death, or that I’m fucking dreaming. ” He mumbled silently, his twisted little response to the words Ilhoon had spoken. Because no, he wouldn’t say that he had missed him too, he wouldn’t. he let the message be subtle, like he always did.
Pulling back just in the slightest, he looked at the other, studied his features like he had so many times before, weary eyes taking in every detail, reminiscent of many shared moments. And then he smiled, that faint little curve of a grin settling to decorate his features like it so rarely did, lighting up pale grayness, giving stoic features life in a way only few had lived to experience. “ I should whoop your ass for leaving in the first place. ” He then muttered, keeping the same little bitter tone of voice like he always had, though mixed with delighted, childish amusement, shaking his head. Aside from being thinner, his hair longer and darker, Sanggil was exactly the same as before, merely beaten and scarred, but that was nothing new. As every other day of his life, his knuckles remained bruised, purple and yellow standing in contrast to pale skin as he curled his fingers into the back of Ilhoon’s clothing, as if still reassuring himself that he wasn’t imagining things.